New video is up

Tired of not having a phone to upload my vine videos, I put up a video on Youtube last night. In it I explain the things that I go through and a little more stuff. Have a good weekend guys and enjoy the video.

Depression takes many different forms and I am molded by it. #NoEdits

This week I have been falling deeper in depression and it isn't because I had something devastating, well it is to me. My phone's motherboard is fried and I have to buy a phone in order to get a new one. I have been living these past few days without music and it sucks because that is when I can smile and relax. Skating and hearing music in my earphones, hoping next week I can get a new phone.

Depression has been with me since high school, always saying that I was bored doing a fun outing and I wasn't lying to myself. Now it is more frequent, I am bored every second, even if I am playing a fun game or watching an incredible show. I am not satisfied by anything and it is sad living in a world where nothing makes you happy. The only thing that made me happy was listening to music while I skate. I sit down and watch the walls, these white walls that cry out to me. I lay down to sleep and wake up, more tired than when I laid my head done. These walls speak to me, but I don't respond.

It took me a few days to realize that I didn't have to starve. I have about 30 cents in my bank account and it took me four days to realize that I bought a big box of ramen for this occasion.  I could say it is because I am absent minded or because I was too tired to realize that I bought it.  The truth is I don't care about food and I don't really want to eat because I like my body skinny. I think my body is too skinny at times, but I never change it because I was called fat as a child. I want to remain as skinny as possible so that I will never be called that again.

Love is something I won't allow myself to get because I don't even love myself. I don't know what love is and I don't want to. Why would I get into a relationship when I have so many problems of my own. I don't want anyone to see me go through things and I definitely don't want to talk about. My feelings are already killing me and there isn't a way to stop in.

How are you hating on people when are someone that doesn't like hate?

     On Sunday I was staying at a friend's apartment and we were just hanging out. I hang out with him because he seems like a pretty cool guy, but he isn't the best. I should have been able to tell that he wasn't a great person because he will say something like, "he is okay with a certain group of people, but." You don't say that type of thing unless you don't want to sound like you are being hateful.
      Apparently Magic Johnson has a son that is gay and he is very flamboyant. He wears clothes that makes him happy. It could be considered women's clothing, but it shouldn't matter what he wears. So, this "friend", thinks that it is shameful for him to wear all of that because his father is Magic Johnson. If his father wasn't someone that survived a disease and hadn't been famous, you would be okay with it.
      Listen, that is his life so you should let him live it instead of being judgmental. I hate people sometimes. Also, I have an article up on Odyssey, so read and look at stuff, I guess. Trying not to drop this guy entirely.

https://www.theodysseyonline.com/hear-me-talk-about-suicide-and-depression-and-life-alright

A don't need a custom photo to show I support

     As you now, I am a big supporter of being the person that you want to be. I have been called gay before because of the way I look and act and at this point I stopped caring. I even have a gay twitter and I act like I act like I am gay at times. It pisses me off that people act this way anymore. What pisses me off more than anything is that people are accusing muslims for being the cause of a tragedy that transpired today.
      I don't like that we are going back to 9/11 tactics, that we are blaming a group of people for a certain person's action. Please don't tell me that 9/11 was worse because I am not comparing the damage of the two events. I live in florida and I feel like I am back in Brooklyn. It is worse than Brooklyn at this point and that is sad.
       If you have a problem with someone or a group of people then keep that shit inside. It will kill you slowly and then you will be the only death caused by your hands. As my right eye dries and I realizes that my motto was always right. In my own fucking words, "Animals over humans any day."

Small things I missed out for friendship.

     I like to do volunteer work, but I missed it because i was hanging out late with friends. It was fun and I didn't go to sleep until 4. I would blame it on the fact that I barely got any sleep, but truthfully I forgot the event was today. I thought it was next Saturday and I was wrong about that. I am sad that I missed an event again because I was hanging out with my friends. This something I didn't do in my first year of college. I was focused on work and using my free time going to volunteer events.
      I graduate soon so I want to have fun with my life before I have to start it. Loneliness follows the ones that are bored and I am trying to stop that. I went through some things that made me feel that way again, but I am slowly bouncing back. Talking about friends, one of my friends is enforcing Static Shock. A trailer for Injustice 2 came out this week and we got no mention of Static Shock. A hero that we were told would be in this game. So, my friend Tony Black has gotten the attention of the voice actor of Static from the television show.
       So if you want to support a bunch of kids that want to see one of their childhood heroes in a big DC video game, help us out. https://www.change.org/p/edward-john-ed-boon-let-s-get-static-shock-in-injustice-2?recruiter=419789154&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_facebook_responsive&utm_term=mob-xs-no_src-custom_msg&recuruit_context=fb_share_mention_variant&fb_ref=Default

You have to love when you mess up a good thing

     So, if you didm't know, I have this thing when I shut down and another personality takes over. It is something I have had to deal with lately because I had my mind preoccupied by school. I was taken away from my everyday and now it is happening again. Rewind to Saturday and I am having the time of my life and everything is right. It is just a regular day and I am not worrying about anything.
      At one point I feel weird and just want to be quiet, this should of been the first sign of something bad about to happen, but I continue on with the day. I do some bad things and it made me feel gross, so gross to the point that I threw up. I mean a lot of liquid came out of my body and I felt so bad. I stopped after a while and I went off on my own. That was bad on my part because I didn't notify anyone on where I was going. I was wrong for that and I apologized for that, but I couldn't hang out with my friends anymore at that point.
      Today I got a text telling me that it would be best if I just didn't see them at all and truthfully I am hurt. I stopped feeling alone at a point and now I am back to the stage I was in high school. Keeping to myself. I have those moments that I wish I could redo and that is one of them, but what can I do. I guess make better decisions, but I will be here feeling bad at what I did. Have a good day.

We all have things that we regret doing

I did a lot of things that weren't right in high school and even in college. I think the worst thing that I did in high school was being a side hoe. I was messing around with a girl while she was with her boyfriend, then when she broke up with my friend I hooked her up with another one of my friends. I know I suck as a human being and i was terrible, but I am not that person anymore. I am not even that active anymore.
     Like i said we all have something we regret doing. My dad is someone that did something that he should regret, but doesn't. He left my mother high and dry, didn't pay child support once he left, and beat my brothers even though they weren't his kids. I regret being evil, but I don't think he regrets it at all. You got to love someone that hides behind a god when they do bad things. I am done ranting for the night and if you are reading this dad. Thank you for bringing me into this world and not raising me at all. This is from the son you will never know because you weren't there to watch me grow.