Perfection

We are told that being perfect is the dream, but we do not buy that actual product. In life perfection is common or what we know as popular. We buy into something that others have in the multitude just to satisfy others. What is the purpose of that if we do not really understand why we are doing it? Unique is also a word that it for sale that we want. We are called unique as an insult because what it means is that we have something wrong with us. We strive to be ourselves, but we are restricted by others because of it. We fight to keep ourselves, but instead get chained by insults made by others who do not understand us. If we are different, then why should we be so special by being different from everyone else. It hurts to know that it is hard to be unique or weird without being called a hipster. I wish we could just be called us and not something else. We are people too, call me by my name because I hate being cast into a group. I am what I am and I am whatever made me, my experiences, my life, and whatever struggles I had in life. Let's stop with this perfection law and starting showing flaws because that makes us glow way more.

Probably be my last post.

My journey continues to got to the point where I do not know my end point. Do I go to jail for something that I felt I needed to do or do I continue on my path? As kids we are brought up to follow a path made by our parents, but what happens if you are weird. Your parent basically doesn't want you to follow the path you want to follow. They believe that the path you are on will cause you to fail and lead you on a path of well debt. Truthfully failure is how people find who they are. We are always in a cage only being let out when our guardian decides it. What if we break the lock to get out? We find ourselves doing something somewhat immoral, but this is for our dream. We will do anything to make it happen, well not anything, but close enough. I still have yet to truly start my journey and my troubles will be the key to find it out even I find myself scarred along the way.

Finally Here

I have been at my school for a month or so and I am happier than I was with my dad. To me I get to interact with others, but attending classes are really different. I see my teacher and usually will be earlier than when my actual class starts, but it is not bad. I get to do other work in class. I have to set a budget, but that is hard since I am a person who does not eat meat. I have adjusted to being an active gamer and doing school work. Since salons are a lot of money I tend to try my hand at doing my own hair, but since I was not taught how to straighten my hair it is not an easy task. I am have an assignment that I have to get back too, so peace.

Yeah

So, I will return next week wait for it or I might put one up on monday. What I mean is the week after next week not actually next week.

Near

This week is the week I may leave this place I call my dad's house. I am happy to leave because I have not been happy since I got here. I find myself having thoughts of hurting him. What you thought I would say hurt myself. Why hurt myself when I can hurt the person who is hurting me. No, I do not root for the villains in hero movies. I do root for the murders in the horror films, but that is only because it is a murder film. If I am lucky I can find a roommate by today I guess on. Thursday is my last day so if I can't find a place I will probably just run away. Now running away solves lots of problems so do not say it doesn't. I will start being happy hopefully and not have to be here. I put up an early post this week because well I have no idea if I can put one up later this week. I will keep you posted next week if I can. I feel like I should explain the rooting for murders thing, but I won't because no one is asking for it.

Sleep

As kids we all with for that one day that we can sleep the whole day away. Forget our troubles and just stay asleep for a whole day. You wonder if you would feel better in the morning or feel ageless. That is not the truth, well a little bit. You feel energized when you wake up and do not feel like you need to sleep. But, when you get up it hits you on what you did. You did not move a muscle the whole day so your relaxed body feels relaxed. You get up and you can barely move your legs and it is hard to walk. Since I already felt like this before I know the feeling and I know how to move even when it feels like I may fall. I do not know what happened the other day and I do not know if I existed for a day. A whole day was away from it. I missed a whole day of doing other stuff like reading manga and washing clothes, manga is more important. This dream of mine was small and insignificant because I did not remember falling asleep. There was no dreams just darkness that I did not remember. I wish I remember it and I also realized that the ads battery sucked. I was hungry and all the liquid in my body released once I used the bathroom. Would I take half a day yes, but not a whole day. I also realized I wasn't missed and my dad didn't even check up on me. I need to leave especially after he exploded on me today I need to leave soon because his annoyance has reached its peak. I may actually tell him how I feel and it will not be pretty.

Falling Behind

As humans we take up new things and forgot or delay the old things. Picking up this job has made me  delay my work and get lesser grades. It is not good at all because I am still in college. I procrastinate more because I focus all my energy on work than on anything else. I preserve energy more than having a days worth of it. I find it hard to use up one and not feel tired for many days. I have not worked since monday and I am still tired. I find myself not caring about leaving things behind to move forward, but that would not be smart. I need to take some of it along and abandon some so I can  become a little bit lighter. I will try to move toward my studies today, but who knows what will happen. I just hope that I will not fail or else life will move a little bit slower.