Something I would have loved in middle school and high school was confidence. My brothers are the most confidence people I know and they have so many flaws. The middle brother always had a lot of girlfriends and I never really understood why. I don't really care at this point because he has two awesome little kids and I am the only one without them at this point. I don't really do relationships because I am a shy little piece of shit, yeah!
It took me twenty years to find out that if no one else cares for you then you should just care for yourself. I woke up at 6:30 today in order to get a ride to school and that was great because my body still hurts. We chilled out a little at my roommate's friends house and just talked, I like doing that because most of the time it is just me talking to myself. Today after class I could have talked with some of my classmates that stayed behind, but I didn't feel good. I had to stay in school for a meeting and I felt so low being near anybody.
Anyway I love that I am growing as a person and that I am coming out of my comfort zones even a little bit. I am not going to think that it is going to take one day to get rid of all my anxiety, but I know it will get better the more I put myself out there. I haven't checked the video that I recently put up, I know the light was a problem and I hope to fix it next week. I will wear a headset next time to try and improve the audio, but I am new at this and I am happy you are along for the ride.
Just look in the mirror and just say you are beautiful because you can't love art without knowing what art is. If you don't see yourself as a piece of art then you can't really cure yourself of anything that might be wrong with you. Remember art has to be worked on until it is complete and even when it is done there are still imperfections to it, but that is what makes it beautiful in the first place.
Thursday, April 7, 2016
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
You are never too old to have a child.
The title was going to be slightly different, but a comment on a post made me very angry. Not on my blog post because I will say that it is all love here. There is a post on Facebook that says Janet Jackson is going to have a "miracle" baby. Excuse my language, but what the fuck do you mean by a miracle baby. She is only 49, when was that too old to be having children. Let us get this straight, I am never going to have children and I don't ever want to. I don't have complications with my sperm that makes it impossible to have children, I just don't want to have children.
I am the youngest child and my oldest brother is about 30 something, so that tell you my mother probably had me in her 40s or late 30s. I am not going to tell you my mother's age because I want to live to see another day, but I know she wouldn't like what people are saying on the post. We forget that there was a time when you were an adult at the age of 13 and would probably die once you turned 20 or 30. It was rare to even touch 50, but now people are living through there 100th birthday. I am not going to be that person because with all the sprains and pains I have now I know I am going to have arthritis. The sad thing is that I am not even joking even one bit.
If someone wants to have kids in their 70s I say do it because it just gives them the will to live longer. The want to be able to see their kids have kids and to meet their grandchildren. That is something all parents want to see. I am not a parent so I am only speculating, but I hope that is what every parent wants for their child, to see them happy.
I made another video and it has more content than the last one and I hope that you like it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMcwfKlb4IY
It says that the video is processing, but I don't care because it is up and I want you guys to see it.
I am the youngest child and my oldest brother is about 30 something, so that tell you my mother probably had me in her 40s or late 30s. I am not going to tell you my mother's age because I want to live to see another day, but I know she wouldn't like what people are saying on the post. We forget that there was a time when you were an adult at the age of 13 and would probably die once you turned 20 or 30. It was rare to even touch 50, but now people are living through there 100th birthday. I am not going to be that person because with all the sprains and pains I have now I know I am going to have arthritis. The sad thing is that I am not even joking even one bit.
If someone wants to have kids in their 70s I say do it because it just gives them the will to live longer. The want to be able to see their kids have kids and to meet their grandchildren. That is something all parents want to see. I am not a parent so I am only speculating, but I hope that is what every parent wants for their child, to see them happy.
I made another video and it has more content than the last one and I hope that you like it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMcwfKlb4IY
It says that the video is processing, but I don't care because it is up and I want you guys to see it.
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
I woke up feeling the weight of my burdens.
That sounds the introduction to a Shakespeare novel, script was it a script or a book. I am really in pain, like really in pain. Like I said I played basketball last night and I woke up in a lot of pain. It pains me to say that I woke up early to skate to school. I hate myself for that one too. Every kick felt like a shock to my whole body and it wasn't so bad.
This wasn't the first time that my body felt this heavy, it was my junior year in high school. I was a pissed off teen angry at the world and I was on the baseball team. I had to lift a whole lot of weights to keep in shape and after a few weeks of torture to the system, I got use to it. I guess after a few weeks of killing myself I will be able to play basketball without feeling like death. I am now confined to the couch and had a whole I can't get up moment. It was pathetic and I regret the whole scene because it is replaying in my head at this moment.
My mustache hair is growing back and I am weirded out because my facial hair usually takes weeks to grow back, but it has only been a few day. Now I am watching Happy Endings and hoping that I can actually move my body without wanting to screaming. I talked to some girl today that said hi to me out of the blue. Usually I am skating and ignoring my surrounds, but because of yesterday I felt that it was better to just walk if I didn't have to skate. We had a very long and fun conversation, it was kind of weird. She is just a friendly person and greeted everyone that passed by her. It was nice to meet someone that is the polar opposite of myself.
It would disgust me if I was that person, but she is a great person and I am an awesome person for making a new friend that I can contact.
This wasn't the first time that my body felt this heavy, it was my junior year in high school. I was a pissed off teen angry at the world and I was on the baseball team. I had to lift a whole lot of weights to keep in shape and after a few weeks of torture to the system, I got use to it. I guess after a few weeks of killing myself I will be able to play basketball without feeling like death. I am now confined to the couch and had a whole I can't get up moment. It was pathetic and I regret the whole scene because it is replaying in my head at this moment.
My mustache hair is growing back and I am weirded out because my facial hair usually takes weeks to grow back, but it has only been a few day. Now I am watching Happy Endings and hoping that I can actually move my body without wanting to screaming. I talked to some girl today that said hi to me out of the blue. Usually I am skating and ignoring my surrounds, but because of yesterday I felt that it was better to just walk if I didn't have to skate. We had a very long and fun conversation, it was kind of weird. She is just a friendly person and greeted everyone that passed by her. It was nice to meet someone that is the polar opposite of myself.
It would disgust me if I was that person, but she is a great person and I am an awesome person for making a new friend that I can contact.
Monday, April 4, 2016
I am writing this on the steps outside of my apartment
When you have lived without a key to your apartment you kind of get used to it. The door is usually unlocked because someone is guaranteed to be inside. My topic for tonight was going to be about how I played about 4 games of basketball back to back. I barely get to exercise and play sports, but today I decided to do it. I played so much that my feet regrets every step that we made on that court. It was a nice change of pace and it felt good. I met some cool people on the court and we all had fun.
Now let us talk about the roommate that I barely talk to and the one that usually locks the door when he gets in. Now I understand that locking the door when you get in is something you do, but if one of your roommates doesn't have a key then you wait till they get home to lock it. I would skate back to the school and wait till my other roommate was ready to leave, but like I said my feet are killing me. I could barely skate back without falling on my face.
It doesn't help that I have class in the morning, which means I have to wake up extra early to see where the classroom is. I won't be here for long though because my reliable roommate is coming from school to unlock the door. Today was suppose to be a good day, I was going to tell you that I saw that girl today and we had an awkward greeting. We just waved and I walked away after one wave and when I crossed her path again I didn't look in her direction. Good job Desmond. I did two play test today so I got a $20 gift card instead of a $10 one. I wrote a lot of content for my story and I played basketball with some new people. This is all material that could have been used for a positive energy post, but my other roommate had to mess it up.
I am going to shower when I get in and go straight to sleep because I am too tired to even try to fake being happy right now. I am inside now, so time to upload and be done for the night.
Now let us talk about the roommate that I barely talk to and the one that usually locks the door when he gets in. Now I understand that locking the door when you get in is something you do, but if one of your roommates doesn't have a key then you wait till they get home to lock it. I would skate back to the school and wait till my other roommate was ready to leave, but like I said my feet are killing me. I could barely skate back without falling on my face.
It doesn't help that I have class in the morning, which means I have to wake up extra early to see where the classroom is. I won't be here for long though because my reliable roommate is coming from school to unlock the door. Today was suppose to be a good day, I was going to tell you that I saw that girl today and we had an awkward greeting. We just waved and I walked away after one wave and when I crossed her path again I didn't look in her direction. Good job Desmond. I did two play test today so I got a $20 gift card instead of a $10 one. I wrote a lot of content for my story and I played basketball with some new people. This is all material that could have been used for a positive energy post, but my other roommate had to mess it up.
I am going to shower when I get in and go straight to sleep because I am too tired to even try to fake being happy right now. I am inside now, so time to upload and be done for the night.
Sunday, April 3, 2016
I believe it is recap time
This Spring Break I was suppose to hang out with this girl at least once and we didn't hang out. I don't really want to talk to her anymore truthfully, but I will have to so yeah. I went out, got lost, and didn't find myself. I tried to do the same thing a day later, but since I had weight on my back it wasn't the same. I knew about the location so I wasn't lost, I knew my way back and that was my mistake. I saw some very interesting things and realized that I am cool with myself. To top things I even went to a tops and bottoms auction. Now I will rule this Spring Break as a success. I felt like crap this whole Spring Break because I realized that I could use some help socially and no one helps me with that, but myself. I broke the first wall of my anxiety and I feel great about it.
Oh yeah I created a twitter page for my favorite gay character Wallace Wells. Thanks my friend for calling me Wallace Wells even though I'm not gay. I don't really feel like I did anything this Spring Break except thing and I don't know how I feel about that. I wanted to do more, but like always I was trapped in the surround area that I am always around. Life can be explored without a car, but it helps to have a car.
I also made my the first video for the blog and I am happy I did it because now I have the strength to make one once a week. I am just afraid of what an 18 year old Desmond said in 2014. It is basically cringe worthy, but I will do it and try to remember what I was thinking for that post. I don't have class tomorrow, but I do have game testing at 10 and I am happy about it. I am happy because I have a reason to be at the school tomorrow and work on some of my writing. That is the best part of the whole thing. Class officially starts Tuesday and I still haven't received my final grade, but I am not stressing because I know I am good. Trying to be a positive emo even though that makes no sense. Happy to talk to you awesome people again.
Oh yeah I created a twitter page for my favorite gay character Wallace Wells. Thanks my friend for calling me Wallace Wells even though I'm not gay. I don't really feel like I did anything this Spring Break except thing and I don't know how I feel about that. I wanted to do more, but like always I was trapped in the surround area that I am always around. Life can be explored without a car, but it helps to have a car.
I also made my the first video for the blog and I am happy I did it because now I have the strength to make one once a week. I am just afraid of what an 18 year old Desmond said in 2014. It is basically cringe worthy, but I will do it and try to remember what I was thinking for that post. I don't have class tomorrow, but I do have game testing at 10 and I am happy about it. I am happy because I have a reason to be at the school tomorrow and work on some of my writing. That is the best part of the whole thing. Class officially starts Tuesday and I still haven't received my final grade, but I am not stressing because I know I am good. Trying to be a positive emo even though that makes no sense. Happy to talk to you awesome people again.
Saturday, April 2, 2016
Riding around with a big wad of cash?
When I make a post I either will tell you something that I personally experienced or something I have thoughts on. There are times when you can't even make things up because it is too unbelievable. My roommate and I are walking back from the store when we see this guy on a thing that shouldn't be called a hoverboard. He had a large sum of money rolled up in his hands and I have never wanted to steal from someone before that moment. It wasn't because I was broke, no, it was because he had it out in the open and was playing with it. Why would you play with a large amount of money, in the open.
You wouldn't do that in New York because someone would either rob you their self or call up some one and get them to rob you. I want to believe that he was a cop or was filming some kind of skit where they see who wants to steal the money. He didn't seem like he needed the money, but I wasn't going to steal it, because we were near a busy street. Wouldn't be smart to steal a block away from your apartment complex. Sometimes people weird me out and I don't really understand why they do things.
On that note I shaved my face and now I don't have a mustache. It always feels weird and I can't wait for it to grow back. I hope everyone enjoyed my first video if you watched it. The next video will be post next week and I will put the link in the blog post for that day. Don't go outside with money in your hands because it is highly likely that you will get robbed.
You wouldn't do that in New York because someone would either rob you their self or call up some one and get them to rob you. I want to believe that he was a cop or was filming some kind of skit where they see who wants to steal the money. He didn't seem like he needed the money, but I wasn't going to steal it, because we were near a busy street. Wouldn't be smart to steal a block away from your apartment complex. Sometimes people weird me out and I don't really understand why they do things.
On that note I shaved my face and now I don't have a mustache. It always feels weird and I can't wait for it to grow back. I hope everyone enjoyed my first video if you watched it. The next video will be post next week and I will put the link in the blog post for that day. Don't go outside with money in your hands because it is highly likely that you will get robbed.
Friday, April 1, 2016
The first part of the vlog is up.
I wasn't going to make a video for it today because my roommate was going to stay in the apartment all day, but his plans changed. He left to go have fun and eat good food, while I am stuck eating snacks and boiling water to drink for tomorrow. When he left I decided it would be perfect to shoot the introduction video. I didn't really know if I should have made a new account strictly for the blog or kept it on my current YouTube account, so I used my current YouTube account.
It is just an introduction video and since I did it this week, that means that there will be another video next week. I will try to make the videos higher quality as I go along, but for now it is all right. This is the main theme for today, so it is pretty short. Tomorrow is a recap of my Spring Break and if I believe if it was fun or not. I believe that you probably know the answer to that, but today was a pretty calm day. I hope you enjoy the video and I enjoy talking to you everyday.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vb4DOIBU68Q
It is just an introduction video and since I did it this week, that means that there will be another video next week. I will try to make the videos higher quality as I go along, but for now it is all right. This is the main theme for today, so it is pretty short. Tomorrow is a recap of my Spring Break and if I believe if it was fun or not. I believe that you probably know the answer to that, but today was a pretty calm day. I hope you enjoy the video and I enjoy talking to you everyday.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vb4DOIBU68Q
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)