I am something that destroys everything in his path and it makes me happy when I meet people that I can't destroy. They are awesome human beings that I wouldn't want to hurt at all, so what do you do when they are too much for you. They are people that love you more than you can love yourself or anyone else. What do you? I just make sure that I can do anything for them and make sure I don't let them down. I hate myself and I have to thank my lovely father for that.
He made me realize that I hate myself and love my niece and nephew more. They were my everything when I was in that house. I felt like I was dying and the only thing that saved me was their picture on my phone. I love my little mixed ones because they give me hope for a better future, a future they will never know my dad. I don't want kids or a relationship with anyone because I fear I will become like my dad. Someone that feed on the emotions of others by making them feel crappy. He doesn't become parasitic until you marry him and then he tries to destroy you.
He isn't the reason I feel like crap, but he is the reason I don't like getting to close to anyone. I am always asked why I'm not in an relationship and i am afraid to tell anyone. Tell them that I may be the reason a girl cries and all I will have for her is a hug in my cold hands. Hoping that she will warm me up and we can be warm together, but I will be lonely for happiness sake. I am too nice to cause pain, so I will leave my mark on the world without marking up the world. You can show up without interrupting the party.
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