Near

This week is the week I may leave this place I call my dad's house. I am happy to leave because I have not been happy since I got here. I find myself having thoughts of hurting him. What you thought I would say hurt myself. Why hurt myself when I can hurt the person who is hurting me. No, I do not root for the villains in hero movies. I do root for the murders in the horror films, but that is only because it is a murder film. If I am lucky I can find a roommate by today I guess on. Thursday is my last day so if I can't find a place I will probably just run away. Now running away solves lots of problems so do not say it doesn't. I will start being happy hopefully and not have to be here. I put up an early post this week because well I have no idea if I can put one up later this week. I will keep you posted next week if I can. I feel like I should explain the rooting for murders thing, but I won't because no one is asking for it.

Sleep

As kids we all with for that one day that we can sleep the whole day away. Forget our troubles and just stay asleep for a whole day. You wonder if you would feel better in the morning or feel ageless. That is not the truth, well a little bit. You feel energized when you wake up and do not feel like you need to sleep. But, when you get up it hits you on what you did. You did not move a muscle the whole day so your relaxed body feels relaxed. You get up and you can barely move your legs and it is hard to walk. Since I already felt like this before I know the feeling and I know how to move even when it feels like I may fall. I do not know what happened the other day and I do not know if I existed for a day. A whole day was away from it. I missed a whole day of doing other stuff like reading manga and washing clothes, manga is more important. This dream of mine was small and insignificant because I did not remember falling asleep. There was no dreams just darkness that I did not remember. I wish I remember it and I also realized that the ads battery sucked. I was hungry and all the liquid in my body released once I used the bathroom. Would I take half a day yes, but not a whole day. I also realized I wasn't missed and my dad didn't even check up on me. I need to leave especially after he exploded on me today I need to leave soon because his annoyance has reached its peak. I may actually tell him how I feel and it will not be pretty.

Falling Behind

As humans we take up new things and forgot or delay the old things. Picking up this job has made me  delay my work and get lesser grades. It is not good at all because I am still in college. I procrastinate more because I focus all my energy on work than on anything else. I preserve energy more than having a days worth of it. I find it hard to use up one and not feel tired for many days. I have not worked since monday and I am still tired. I find myself not caring about leaving things behind to move forward, but that would not be smart. I need to take some of it along and abandon some so I can  become a little bit lighter. I will try to move toward my studies today, but who knows what will happen. I just hope that I will not fail or else life will move a little bit slower.

2 weeks of pain

For the past two weeks I have been trying to finish a story, but have yet to finish it. I have been cut from my hours of work and been slacking on my school. While I have backstabbed someone to make me happy in the future. I have caught a cold that won't go away and gotten an injury on my leg. Even paying for internet so I can just leave in a month peacefully. I felt that my life was not as hard as I thought and got pain in return. I have no idea what to do because I am not healing. At this point I am just waiting to heal and waiting for other things to come. I fear life as I know it will crumble right in front of me. It has yet to start, but I cannot change what I have started. I took two weeks off from myself and all I did was hurt myself. I can only continue to write that story of mines because that is what gives me hope, I do not want to be sick anymore or injured to the point I feel weak. I want to be able to eat whenever I want without worrying if I will have enough for next week. All it is, is a plan in motion just waiting to happen. The 5 seconds before the storm when you can get things done. I do not hope to smile after all of this I just hope to enjoy what I am doing, while feeling less pain than I am now.