Just when you think you won't be alone anymore, you get that feeling of isolation

     I sit in a well lit room, hungry, lonely, and emotional. As you may have guessed, I made friends recently, and it is oh so fun being around them, but now I am alone. I have days when I am not with them, but truthfully every time I am around them I have fun. It is something new because usually I am alone for a long period of time, but I have opened myself up to them. I felt that loneliness I felt a while back going away. Then I saw a snap of some hanging out with them. I say someone because the person and I at this point aren't friends.
     Usually I wouldn't react, but today I felt weird not hanging out with them and as time passes I don't care. This doesn't mean that I am repressing my feelings, but I am losing interest. Something I thought I lost a few months ago, but it seems that I am able to just lose interest very fast.
     Now I can go to my apartment and sleep on it or I can stay here and do work. I mean a lot of work, so much that I may have to get food on my skate to the apartment. That is a lie since I live off of water. Good night my people and don't fall into the bottomless pit of isolation because it is very easy to fall back in once you get out.

Finding out that Trailer park people aren't trash

     Hate me, love me, I don't care because I am an awesome person that has two awesome playlist on Soundcloud. I hope you saw my new hair-do and if you haven't then you are missing out. I would of made a video, but I haven't been in my apartment at all week. I have been learning about that trailer park lifestyle. It is really fun and I actually enjoy it.
     Only downside is that there isn't any free wifi at all, so I am basically off the grid whenever I am there. It is fun because I meet some good people there and learned that hollywood has lied to me again. Now there are a bunch of rednecks that live there, but there are some real down to earth people that live there. They actually tried to help my friend with his car problem, it wasn't fixed because we didn't give it enough time to sit and that was our fault.
     I will be out there for the rest of week and I hope that I don't get to used to it and I still need a job because rent day is coming up and I am still broke.

Lover's pain and a hurt knee

     Drinks and cigarette smoke find themselves around me, but I see kids in my dreams. Am I dreaming of having kids and smoking in my future. I doubt it because I have been against acting like the normal, the part of society that wants me to be like them. I have thought about smoking and drinking during that dark year. I believe I turned 18 and the first think that I thought about was smoking because that is the legal age to smoke. I have never smoked and I won't ever because a few of my friends are allergic to smoke. I swear white people are always ruining my fun.
       I wouldn't smoke, it is just something I thought I would need, to face the hard times and I didn't use it. I just sat in the dark emotions that was my life. I already have a gross addiction that I need to get rid of and I am hoping that it is gone one day. Anyway, my leg hurts from that week off of skating and it has yet to get readjusted. I feel like I am making it worse and I just found out that my brother is having trouble with his leg because of basketball. Then again he is old, so that is probably the reason. I cut my hair and I hope to record something tomorrow and you can see the new do. I have a feeling my friend is close by so I will let you do what you planned for the day.

Listening to uplifting money and feeling like crap

      I am something that destroys everything in his path and it makes me happy when I meet people that I can't destroy. They are awesome human beings that I wouldn't want to hurt at all, so what do you do when they are too much for you. They are people that love you more than you can love yourself or anyone else. What do you? I just make sure that I can do anything for them and make sure I don't let them down. I hate myself and I have to thank my lovely father for that.
     He made me realize that I hate myself and love my niece and nephew more. They were my everything when I was in that house. I felt like I was dying and the only thing that saved me was their picture on my phone. I love my little mixed ones because they give me hope for a better future, a future they will never know my dad. I don't want kids or a relationship with anyone because I fear I will become like my dad. Someone that feed on the emotions of others by making them feel crappy. He doesn't become parasitic until you marry him and then he tries to destroy you.
     He isn't the reason I feel like crap, but he is the reason I don't like getting to close to anyone. I am always asked why I'm not in an relationship and i am afraid to tell anyone. Tell them that I may be the reason a girl cries and all I will have for her is a hug in my cold hands. Hoping that she will warm me up and we can be warm together, but I will be lonely for happiness sake. I am too nice to cause pain, so I will leave my mark on the world without marking up the world. You can show up without interrupting the party.

Sleepless night, missing headphones, and growling stomachs

     There isn't anything worse than meeting a deadline because all of a sudden you have a deadline to meet. This month we have to submit our work before class and I hate it, but I can do it. It makes me realize that I could be spending my weekend doing it early and I wouldn't have to do it later on. That isn't going to happen because I have a life. All hail the mighty where did you come from totem. You feel like hell and someone pays for your food and you can't pay them back because you are broke and you feel disgusting.
     I am now integrated into a white family and I have no idea how that happened. I am just my normal self and bam I am called two people's bestie. I don't have enough energy for all of this. I realized that I am actually on the path for graduation and have no idea what I am going to do afterward. I can go into songwriting, but I would be a self taught songwriter.
     For the first time ever I have a group of people as my Facebook profile picture, I feel like people should know that I am the black guy in the picture, but you never know. I tagged myself as someone else because his face wasn't recognized. I have said I needed a drink about 15 times this week and I am sad that I haven't even tried to drink. I am happy that I don't need to, but sometimes you need a pick me up.
     Hopefully I get to talk to you lovely people again because I enjoy this. Until next time.

Living with no love in a place full of love

     I realized that being around love won't make you realize what love truly is. You see the looks people give each other, through anger and adoration, but you can never fully grasp it. That, my friend is the reason I haven't discover love. The very thing that people go and search for I have yet to find. It is like looking for a white ball with a red dot on it, while there is a ton of white balls in the pile.
      I have been around two different types of couples this week and it has made me kind of sick. One couple just kissed the whole time and the other couple just cuddled together. There was too much public displays of affection. I felt like running away, but I was the fifth wheel and you kind of need the fifth wheel.
      It is day two of only eat one thing and I look very skinny because of it. I didn't think it would show, but it does and I am kind of scared. I hope that my body reverts back to its wonderful form once I get back to my apartment. I am going to get some breakfast so I don't collapse.

Wish I could turn back time or at least pause it

    Things happened and words were spoken that you wish no one had said, but you can't go back on what you said. That is how it is on most parts of my life. We go through life hoping that nothing that we do destroys what we want. We do things that are for us, but others may see it as something that we are doing in the moment. My friend is doing something that others don't really agree with, but I am cool with it. Last night when I was suppose to be finishing my homework and writing a blog post, I was making sure that he was okay.

     I am an emotion absorber, that means that I will take in whatever emotion that a person I am close to has and take it as my own. I felt his emotions rising because my hands were hot, I usually have cold hands, but it turns hot when I am mad. Something I found out about myself last night. I still stand with my friend and so do the others, but he has to change his life style a little because of it. I love everyone involved, but there is one thing I will not take.

     Don't put the blame onto me, I am a chill person and I don't want to cause harm to anyone. Recently, it has gotten close because of all the heated emotions around me. I am rocking out to music that calms me down and even though I am not in the best situation, I am making sure to keep a calm head.

      On a better note I need a girlfriend and I am saying this because yesterday I fifth wheeled and it was not a cool feeling. I felt like an emotionally abandoned child in front of parents that were trying to have another kid. I wanted to walk away, but I also wanted attention, I need a girlfriend. Time to write as much as possible to forget that loneliness. 

This Blog cannot be used in the court of law

     Something that I do not study or want to study is law and it seems like I may have to study it. So, I was chilling in a friend's hotel room when my mother called me. She told me that my day was using my blog as evidence or whatever in court. I just want to know why he would do that because this is my safe place. I curse on here and vent out all of my frustrations, something I don't do at all. Like dude leave me alone because you do not belong here.
     I just like making blog post and I can hopefully do it every day again because I loved doing it. For some reason my horror was successful, people love Jem. I was in the crew and I basically ran around and hyped up the crowd, making sure the twins were calm and what not. It was the perfect job of someone that usually takes care of others.
      My mom has been fighting a court case against my dad and for some reason he found out I have a blog. I have no idea how he found out, but he did. I